Apparently I was bored off my ass

It's Thursday Night.

Most of my collge compatriots are out getting bombed at Frat parties or down at the club dancing themselves into a mindnumbing stupor before going home for the weekend. I am not with them. I am still on campus.

4:00--- My friend Sam invites me to go to a foriegn film with her. She doesn't want to go by herself. I decide to go.

6:30--I wander into the Library. If you do not know me, you do not know how odd this is. It is surprising to my friends that I even know where the library is....Who am I kidding? It is surprising to me! So I go in and figure out where they are showing this movie. It's in Spanish...it has subtitles. This is good because I do not speak Spanish...but I can read. The little spanish teacher tells us about the movie and we begin to watch.

This movie is strange. It's about a girl who is 'extremely' sensitive to things. She's born into the world with the force of her own tears. (Disgusting moment one: The old kitchen lady sweeps up the salt left over from these tears...which are quite obviously the discharged brith fluids....but the movie says it's tears...so we'll assume it's tears). Accoring to family tradition, the youngest daughter must remain unmarried until mama kicks the bucket. It sucks to be this kid.

So chica (whose name happens to be Tita) ends up finding a boy friend...but she's not supposed to marry. So when Pedro (really his name) comes to ask for her hand, Mama convinces him to marry the older sister. Pedro agrees, but only because he will be able to be close to Tita. OK, any guy stupid enough to say that should have his balls cut off and be denied the ability to reproduce. Any woman stupid enough to believe that load of horse shit should be shot on sight and hung from the tallest flag pole around just to prove that stupidity and love never pay. Anyway so Tita cries a little and a tear ends up in the wedding cake batter. When wedding people eat the cake they immediately feel sad and long for their true loves. Gag me. Apparently the characters didn't like it either because they get so worked up they ralph into the nearby river.

Now, sister one and Pedro (who I'd prefer to call Asshole) do not consumate their marriage for three months because Pedro is just soooo in love with Tita. Bull Shit. He eventually screws his wife and gets her pregnant. But wifey is too sick to breast feed and, in a strange twist of movie fate, the wetnurse gets shot in the head and dies. WOW! So Tita breast feeds the kid. Excuse me? Apparently she is so sensitive to the needs of others that she is able to produce breast milk on command. It's supposed to be that imagined pregnancy thing...can you say head case?

Now, Tita has another sister who is actually illegitamate by the guy mama had an affair with. This sister runs off with the Rebel General and disappears....disowned by mama.

Anyway, mama doesn't like it that Pedro is making eyes at Tita still and so has baby, sister and Pedro go to Texas. But wait, without Tita, baby dies. Everyone is sad (awww....) Tita is sad. Tita no like mama..mama is bitch. Eventually Tita goes absolutely psycho and ends up in the house of an Anglo Doctor. He's total perve material, but whatever.

Tita goes back to el Rancho for the funeral of Mama. Mama died because banditos came to town and raped, pillaged and plundered. Mama didn't understand that the shotgun is supposed to be aimed at the bandits, not above their heads....don't scare the mother fuckers away...blow their asses away.

So now everyone is back at el Rancho from Hell. Sister is pregnant again and gives birth because of the stress of putting mama in the ground. Since el Doctor has to do surgery, the baby is the only child and it's a girl. Sister says "She will not get married...she is the last daughter and will care for me until my death." Tita does some mental voodoo that gives sister the gasies. This girl farts and belches her way through the next half hour of the movie, bloated like you wouldn't believe.

Tita decides to marry el pervo, but she's still head over heels for Pedro. She and Pedro finally screw each other and she freaks herself out into believing she's pregnant again. Mama's psycho ghost comes back to haunt their asses. Pedro gets drunk and lights himself on fire, but doesn't die. Sister #2 comes back as a general in the rebel army. Sister #1 is put on mega diet to cut back on the burps, farts and bloats. All is 'happy?'

So Tita decides not to marry loser Doctor Perve dude and stays single waiting for Pedro's daughter to grow up. Sister #1 Farts herself to death (I mean it) and Tita and Pedro finally get to shack up after the wedding of his kid to the Dr's kid.

Pedro carries Tita over the door frame and into a room filled with candles and a big brass bed. Yes, they screw each other. He's whispering 'I love you' and eventually starts yelling since 'Hey, we're finally alone and legal!' The audience is sitting there thinking "Gee you know, the only thing that could make this movie better is if he died." And you know what? The movie gods looked down onto this tiny audience of bored college students and BANG Pedro dies mid screw. HE ACTUALLY DIES MID ORGASM!!!!!

Tita flips out. I mean, I guy dies while he's screwing me and you expect me to take it (pardon the pun) lying on my back? Hell no. But instead of running hysterically from the house, she freaks out only a little, grabs this massive afghan which she's knitted the entire movie (I'm not kidding, this thing stretches for days) and then covers Pedro. Then she picks up a box of matches and starts eating the damn things. Eventually after match four she spontaneously combusts. She and Pedro burn up and that's the end of the movie.

8:30-- I leave the library and breathe in the cold Kentucky air. Shakespeare Mexicano style just doesn't do it for me. Too much kitchy romance shit. It was weird. Very weird...I mean, it's a good movie, really....but it was just very weird.

8:45---I am back at the dorm. Not that the library is 15 minutes from my dorm, but my friends and I had to talk about the strangeness that was this movie. I walk through the front door and there is a mini Halo tourney going on. It is weird.....I do not understand video games. I watch them play for a little while, and decide to leave.

8:50--I am in my room. I am bored. My friends are gone. I start surfing. I look at the back of my hand where I have 'Rotten.com' scrawled across it in black sharpie. A friend has suggested I visit this after I told her about the disturbing picture my father sent me in the mail today (Man with large hunting rifle smiling over his kill---a dead house cat) so I go to the web-browser and type in rotten.com.

9:15--I am still looking at Rotten.com

9:20-- Eww....that dude's head is like....well...is that a head?

9:30-- Oh my

10:00-- Can they do that?

10:20-- Ha, that dude lost that fight! Train-1 Man-0

10:45-- What would possess them to put that there?

10:50-- Dude if that's his head, where's the rest of him?----oh.

11:00--I have been looking at Rotten.com for two hours now. I have seen carnage of every description. I am entrigued. This is interesting.

11:05-- There are no more links. Well, at least none that aren't pornographic in nature. Dead bodies are one thing, but porn is a comletely different one...bleh.

11:15-- I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I am still bored. Spending two hours staring at mindless drivel has only proved that I am a highly disturbed individual who needs drugs and lots of them. Either that or it has merely proved that I have a very strong stomach.

11:30-- My room mate is home. I have someone to talk to.

11:35-- I start writing about the nights activities. I do not want to forget that this is rock bottom and that I never want to be here ever again.

I am a loser.