St. Patrick's Day or Ali and Renee Go To Louisville

So Ali and I have been living together for three years now. No...not in the same room...we'd kill one another if we lived together. But we've lived in the same building and at the farthest we were six floors from one another. We play rugby together and my current roommate is her ex-roomie.

We have lots in common.

Including March Birthdays.

Which happen to be eleven days apart from one another.

It is since our freshman year that we have had it in our heads to take it upon ourselves to hit Louisville like a Mack Truck on her 21st birthday...which just happens to be St. Patrick's Day.

March 2006 enters like a lamb and I have a remarkably dull Birthday. I am OK with this because it has already been determined that I will get shitfaced with Alison on her 21st. No use over doing it.

We both stay in Richmond to work....that will be another blog which will chronicle my foray into the world of 'Cinderella'.

So Thursday when I get off work, I pack my bags and meet Ali on campus where I leave my truck and we drive to Louisville in her car.

When we get to her house we drop our stuff off and immidiately go back out for dinner. Mmmmm....Booger King.

When we get home we watch some of the basketball games with her family and then go to bed.

Friday we are awoken by the ringing of a phone. It is a family member wanting to wish Ali a happy birthday. They must have a death wish as it is only 7:40 AM. Neither one of us is happy.

Gidget, Ali's five pound dog starts whining and wants to come sleep with us (although this could be before the phone call, I wasn't particularly alert).

We finally wake up and get functional and go to KY DMV to get Ali her 'growed up' license.

We are running 'behind schedule'.

Who's schedule? Why Aunt Jeanette's--who has planned a stop by stop, hour by hour day for us full of alcoholic beverages of many sorts.

We are made known of our tardiness when we are five minutes away from Jeanette's house. We drop our stuff off at her place and then hop into her car to our first stop.

At our first stop we meet up with Aunt Barb and order our first drinks.

Stop one is a place called "Shenanigans" and is a VERY Irish pub. It is about 11:30 AM.

Aunt Jeanette loudly announces that it is Ali's 21st Birthday and the barkeep tells her that Ali's beer is on the bar as it is tradition for the bar to buy the first beer of a newly legal individual. Ali is drinking budlight.....I have a New Castle....mmmmm....good stuff.

We decide not to spend much more time at Shenanigans because their 'Special St. Patrick's Day Menu' consists of items $7 or more and we want cheap food.

We head for destination number two....a place called "Dundee's Tavern"

At Dundees Ali and I order beers number two (Her a budlight, and me a coors light...gotta go with whatcha like). Food here is $3 or so and we all have a good time.

Ali and I enjoy the signs at the bar which read as follows....

"Everyone who enters here makes us happy. Some when they enter, some when they leave."

"Beer. So much more than a breakfast drink."

"Free Beer (tomorrow)"

"Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever"--Aristophanes

Aunt Barb must say her goodbye's here....she's got to return to the world of the functional and we are about to embark on the road to 'very much non-functional.'

It is on the way to destination number three that Aunt Jeanette informs us of our rules.

No shots.

That's pretty much our only rule.

We find a place to park in the very crowded Highlands area of Louisville where just about every other building is an Irish Bar.

Stop #3---> O'Shea's

Can you get much more Irish than a place called O'Shea's? On entering the extremly crowded pub we are handed buttons commemorating the 48th celebration of St. Patrick's Day at the Pub. We go to the 'back bar' and attempt to order. This is easier said than done. I settle for Ali and tell Aunt Jeanette to just get us two green beers as we have yet to travel into the world of 'green beer.'

Side Note: My father exempted me from drinking green beer because "There's just something really wrong with green beer."

There are somethings we notice.

1.) The man in the cape and 'traditional' Olde Irish clothes...complete with a shelaleigh on his hip.
*Shelaleigh is Irish for 'big ugly beat stick'

2.) Aunt Jeanette points out that the ratio of guys to girls is at least 2 to 1. "It's like the guys all took time off work today to go drink and the girls are all still there!" Ali and I wonder why this is a bad thing.

3.) We come to the conclusion that no matter the day or how drunk you and your friends are going to get, there are certain things you are just not supposed to wear in public....i.e. Green pants, green, yellow and orange plaid pants and different shades of green worn too close together. Oh, and really tall ugly green knee socks.

Stop #4---> Willy's

We are unsure of WIlly's at first. You must enter Willy's from the back and the bar is near empty. After a very crowded O'Shea's this is welcome.

The dancefloor is made of plexi glass and looks down onto Jake and Elwood (of Blue's Brothers Fame) and a real live ittle bitty baby gator in a pool. It's kinda cool.

Ali is once again announced as the birthday girl and is offered a free shot. Ali looks to Jeanette to see if it's OK to break our rule.

Aunt Jeanette gives her leave to break the rule stating "We just didn't want you guys getting really messed up before dinner." We are buzzing and do not think to ask who 'we' are and why they give two shits if we're fucked up before dinner.

Ali does a Jaeger shot and orders us Frozen Apple Pucker Drinks.

After drinking beer all day, this is not welcome...but I drink it because it's liquor and liquor is good.

Before we leave Ali is forced to pose with the dude dressed in the aligator costume.

It sucks to be the birthday girl.

Stop #5---> Flanagan's.

Again, another Irish Pub.

Also remarkably empty.

There is a table full of people just inside the front door occupied by a party of late 20 somethings and one VERY innebriated fellow. He grabs me on the way in but soon appologizes as I am not who he thought I was.

Ali thinks she's done and doesn't want a drink.

I am all about a 'pub crawl' and order up a beer to get rid of the nasty Apple Pucker taste in my mouth.

An older chap (read that mid 40's) approaches just before I finish my beer and asks

"What would you do if someone were to kiss you because of what your shirt says."

I have been drinking just long enough to warrant a quick sidewards glance at my shirt which reads in large green letters "KISS ME I'M IRISH!"

I tell him that I'd probably wig out and then deck the offender. He turns to Ali and Jeanette and asks why they aren't drinking.

Ali tells him she needs....well....ummm.... "I just finished a shot at the other bar...I need a break?"

Drunk Man: "Shot of what?"

Ali: "Jeagermeister"

Jeanette says she's DD cuz it's Ali's 21st birthday and she's our escort into the realm of debauchery.

Drunk Man tells Ali he'll buy her a drink if she can prove that today is indeed her 21st birthday.

Ali hands over her brand new shiny $20 growed up license and he wanders off trying to flag down a waitress, Ali's ID still in hand.

Ali looks ready to fall over.....I'm not sure the liquor has hit her, but she's watching $20 walk away and it's scaring her.

Drunk Man comes back, gives Ali her ID and says someone will be coming with a drink.

The waitress comes up with a Jaeger bomb and a green beer. Ali has a sip of the Jaegermeister and hands the rest to me. I'm not a HUGE fan of the Jaegerbomb...but it is free and I will drink just about anything free.

Ali is drinking her beer and we laugh at the drunk table in the front because they are doing "We've got Spirit Yes we do" cheers with Molly Malone's, the Irish Pub across teh street. It is roughly this time that Ali makes what could be by this point the single greatest quote of the day....

"I'm drunk and there's a school bus."

Now in Ali's defense there was indeed a school bus driving up Bardstown road when she said this, but her need to point out her present stae and the school bus in the same sentence was classic.

We think about going to another bar but Ali is way done and I don't feel like buying more beer. Molly Malone's is out of the question as they are charging a $5 cover to get in.

MOLLY MALONE'S LOSES MASSIVE BONUS POINTS FOR CHARGING TO GET INTO THEIR ST. PATRICK'S DAY FESTIVITIES.

We go back to Aunt Jeanette's and chill for a while until our ride shows up. Aunt Jeanette is off babysit duty come dinner time. ***** I neglected to mention before that on the way home we had to take a detour because of a mucho bad accident on the highway...brought us right by a park at which point Ali and I start screaming 'you better stop at the park because we have to pee, NOW!'

However the park was next to the Ohio River.....and when you're drunk and at the Ohio River....
You take pictures like this....

and now, back to our regular random blog crap.******

We arive at a place called "Joe's Older than Dirt" and order up some beer. Everyone sings Happy Birthday to Ali and we laugh some. Suddenly a guy comes up and makes this WONDERFUL announcement.

"I hear there's a birthday over here?"

Grandpa "YEah! THose two down there!" (It was pointed out to Grandpa that I turned the week before)

"Well, I'm with Budweiser and I'd like to buy everyone at this table who's 21 or older a drink...anything budweiser."

I'm wondering if I've drunken myself stupid, passed out in a gutter and have choked on my own vomit and died and this is some sick twisted joke of God's.

The pain in my jaw as it bounced off the table was a sure sign that I am NOT dreaming and I quickly order up an Amber Bock before Budweiser man can go away or change his mind. Half the table orders Amber Bock the other half order Bud Light.

* Keep this in mind: There are eleven people at the table.

Budweiser man returns shortly after and starts passing out Bud Lights. We are sure he brought out enough for almost everyone to have a Bud Light. He then returns with TWO pitchers of Amber Bock. We close our eyes and shake our heads and do a double take as we are sure that one MUST be a pitcher of coke, not Amber Bock.

Both pitchers are Amber Bock.

I am drinking a Schmitwick's (pronounced schmiddicks), which I determine is good beer. I then proceed to the Amber Bock.

I'm remarkably sure I have three glasses of Amber Bock.

I am happy.

Ali announces suddenly that she is intimidated by her one remaining glass of Bud Light as she too has had a Schmitwick's and most of her budlight....

I decide that Ali's Mom's family is COOL!

Aunt Jeanette has been making fun of me all day because I've been writing down our escapades on a bar napkin. This is probably a good thing because I would never be able to recall some of this shit on my own.

My next note on my napkin reads "I am very close to being 'schwasted'" a favorite saying of Thing One and Thing Two from the Rugby team.

Another saying is scribbled down...."Cause gossip, don't spread it." I know it was Aunt Lee and Aunt Jeanette that say it, but I'm not sure what it was in reference too.

Donny (Ali's High school ex who she's still friends with) and Aunt Lee pile into our car to go to our final stop which is the Bowling Center.

We will take a momentary interuption in our blog to have the obligatory parade of drunk pictures from the back of the car.




We drop Aunt Lee's car off at her house first and we enjoy the 'up and downs' of the rolling Kentucky HIlls and tell Bob to go faster. I remark that the hills aren't big enough to make it truly worth our while.

Aunt Jeanette: Usually when you say 'faster faster!' it's not big enough.

After we quit laughing we go to the bowling center and start playing table top shuffle board. Donny whoops up on Ali and I. I am just drunk enough to not catch on to the fact that we have been drinking for almost ten hours at this point and he's only been drinkign for about two.

Donny buys us (all three) a pitcher of beer. Donny buys Miller Light.

Ali and I quietly start singing rugby songs and I enjoy the fact that Donny's jaw gets lower and lower to the table top as he stares at us singing such hit tunes as

"Jesus Can't Play Rugby"
"Marrying Kind"
"Days of the Week"
and
"Yogi Bear"

Donny says something to which I flip him off. HIs response was written down, but not the bird flipping offense.

Donny: You'll fall in love, I'll fall asleep."

I buy pitcher number two.

Ali and I blow out candles set into Twinkies.

*Note for future reference---> Beer and twinkies don't go together.

We decide after trying to kill the last pithcer it is time to go as we are well into being gone and the parental units and grandparental units have left.

We return to Jeanette's.

Is it a bad sign that I don't exactly remember going up the stairs to her apartment?

I do remember sitting down and watching South Park.

Donny starts poking around the kitchen after Aunt Jeanette tells us where all the liquor is stashed.

Donny returns with 'Rattlesnakes' although I'm remarkably positive they were in fact the World's worst shots ever.

It takes me three swigs to get mine down.

It takes Ali significantly more.

Sure signs we are well into being gone.

I am taking shots.

Ali is having problems with shots.

Donny passes out on the floor. He tires to explain it away as being a result of being up since 5:30 AM. I think that's a bullshit excuse to use as a way to explain why two chicks who've been drinking since 11:30 are still 'aware' and he's passing out.

Drinking Time

Ali and I : 12 Hours

Donny: 5 hours

Saturday morning I awoke to the sun on my face.

Ali apparently puked up the world's worst shot ever and then felt much better about herself.

I get up and take a shower and am functional before 9AM.

Donny informs us that we must take him back to his car so h e can make his 1PM flight.

I decide that Donny is arrogant.

We return to the Whelan house and almost scare the crap out of Ali's mother...she didn't think we'd be home for quite awhile. Ali takes a short nap and then goes to interveiw her boss at Kroger. I take a short nap while she's gone and then when she gets back, we take another one.

Saturday is spent sleeping.
This is Ali's dog Gidget.....she's cute and is about as big as my foot........not a good analogy considering how big my feet are....

I'm happy to report that I didn't actually have a hangover....but that I was tuckered out. Ali says she did have a hangover.

Sunday we went and saw "The Libertine" the new Johnny Depp Flick which is definately twisted but is good. We also have lunch with the other set of Grand parents and arrive abck at EKU thoroughly stuffed.

And so went our closing days of Spring Break 2006.

Now for a week of liver recuperation time and we're gonna do it all over again NEXT weeken at Nash bash!

Laterz!

P.S.--- Check back in a few days as I will have pictures by then....blogger is being ghetto.