I have not yet begun to Rant

Geese suck. Especially the ones at the Broadmoor.

I've come to the conclusion in the four weeks I've been working there that geese were created in Satan's image...that they are indeed his minions on earth and are here to spread petulance and plague upon us all.

Goose shit is not friendly to humans. According to http://www.canadagoosemanagement.com/FAQ.html
"Links to human populations are continuing to be discovered. Geese impact peoples lives by helping to create conditions that encourage disease, viruses, and parasites to thrive, including: Cryptosporidiosis, Giardiasis, Salmonella, E. coli, Influenza A, Hypersensitivity Pneumonitis, and Chlamydia. "

E. Coli? Influenza? Chlamydia?!?!?! That's an STD! Holy shit!

Geese are evil....they look so sweet and innocent, floating gently on the lake during the day...but late at night when the groundskeepers are asleep in their beds the little bastards come out of the lake and take GIANT CRAPS on our sidewalk that goes from one hotel building to the other. And I'm not talking itty bitty goose turds...oh no....some mornings the bridge looks like a goose turd mine field. And I"m one of the lucky individuals on the magic goose poop patrol that gets to make the minefield go bye-bye.

My day starts at 6am when I clock in at work and collect my tools for the day. The first thing we do, my co-workers and I, is we drive out to our little bridge and see if we have any surprises from the Geese.

Some days there are none.

We've figured they can go as long as two days without taking monster craps on our bridge.

But on the third day....

On the third day we break out our sweepers, our buckets, our brooms and our hoses because the bastards have invaded and the bridge looks like a war zone.

I swear to God, Geese were frat boys in a past life. You can just hear the little shits---"Dude, that one's totally going to leave a stain! ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

We try to sweep the 'dry' droppings up and then dump them in our trash cans...but the 'wet' ones...well....that takes a hose or a pressure sprayer.

Yes, a pressure sprayer...by six thirty we're doing a serious hose down of the sidewalk and bridge. All the while room service people are heading to their first jobs and the suits and early birds are walking across the bridge cracking goose jokes.

"So, those birds are pretty nasty, eh?"
--No, asshole....this is from the party last night...the drunk asses decided to crap right here."

"I have a .22 pistol you could borrow."
--yeah, because a 22 is going to make a difference against one of these things.

One satisfying thing about the geese is that they do make a satisfying 'thwack/squeak/honk' sound when you give them a whack with a broom. It's sort of the grounds crew's version of golf.

I feel like Caddy-shack...you know? There's this evil critter out there whose soul purpose in life is to make my life a living hell.

I mean, the grounds crew is ready to open hunting season on the lake....stay up all night to keep them off the bridge. Buying wrist-rockets and hiding in the bushes to launch projectiles at the vermin. There's been discussions of laying car batteries in the ground and tossing live wires attached to the batteries into the lake so that we might see what a fried goose looks like.

The geese are planning mass destruction....

First the broadmoor lake....then Oregon....and soon....the WORLD!