More Ammo from Ali

Alright, so Ali found these on line and forwarded them to me....knowing that I could not resist commenting on such a tantalizing piece of editorial.

I can't believe this shit is actually in print......

Comso Commandments for June 2005

10 Clues He'll Suck in Bed

1. The man can't even find the beat to the "We Will Rock You" chant.

No Beat is some very bad Karma....we all know it's about the 'motion of the ocean.'

2. You met after he shouted "Hey, hot stuff!" at you from a doorway, where he was drinking beer with 10 of his friends.

You know, the funny thing is I've actually seen guys do this....and the bad thing is that it works......girls actually turn around and go back....Now, the easy solution to this is exactly what our teachers told us in elementary school----"JUST SAY NO!"

3. He has Viagra and numbing gel sitting on his nightstand.

I don't know about you....but that is SOOOOO not a good sign. My advice? RUN AWAY!

4. After pressing a few buttons and turning a knob or two on his stereo - all according to the manual - it still won't work. So he fires up and yells, "It must be broken! I've done everything I was supposed to do."

So he sucks at technology....big freakin' deal.....I guess this is supposed to be an inuendo to his creativity in the bed room and his stamina....This is one of those moments where I can't believe this shit actually gets put into print.

5. When he was snuggling up to you during a movie, nuzzling into your breats, you swear you heard him whimper "mama."

Why is he snuggling up to your breasts during a movie to begin with? With the current price of movies, shouldn't he be watching what's on the screen? And why are you letting him do that in public? They're in the privacy of their own home? I still don't care....my reaction to that is "Excuse me, those are mine....not yours."

6. He's allergic to his own sweat, so all of his activities must not - under any circumstanes - spike his body heat.

THis one should be obvious, but since it's not....WHAT ARE YOU DOING DATING A GUY WHO CAN'T EVEN GO PLAY PUTT-PUTT?!? You've limited yourself to Opera and the library.....

7. A cold breeze causes your nips to come alive through your white tee, and he blushes and turns away.

Ladies, do not wear white t-shirts on cold days sans bra or jacket....that will easily take care of this. Secondly, why is this a bad thing? At least he's not staring blatantly at your chest (something many of us get pissed about) and drooling....I mean, when you ask "What color are my eyes?" He'll be able to tell you without that six second pause and 'huh?' look.

8. He complains that his tongue is tired after only two tiny licks of his vanilla-caramel-swirl ice-cream cone.

Sigh.....Why do I even bother with the human race anymore......

9. Your door jams, and he doesn't have the thrusting power to bust it open. In fact, you end up having to do it.

ha ha ha ha ha....wow....because there's NO sexual inuendo there....nope, not a one....but seriously, if you're gonna use a guy's capability to open a door to see how good he's going to be in bed we've gotta talk.....

10. He gorrges on a side of ribs smothered in barbecue sauce, and then moves in for a big smooch without even wiping his mouth.

THat was my brother a few years ago....and now he has a woman.....dear god maybe there's something to be said for a total lack of table manners.....and then again, maybe there's a reason I claim to be adopted and do my best to NOT associate with the rest of the human race.