Nee Nee and Friends travel to Ye Olde Faire

Sunday July 24th was a day I was REALLY looking forward to.

My day off.....

The Renaissance Festival....

Irish/Scottish/Celtic Weekend

Can you say 'woo hoo', cuz I sure Can.

Anyway, so I got a group of people together and we all went up to the fair. Now perhaps I should warn you that I do go to the fair in a wench costume. Boobs up, long skirts....yeah.....

I forget how we got started on our conversation in the car, but suddenly it was about sex.
And somehow my friend Tasha is avoiding saying the word 'screw'.

Erin: Ha ha ha----she can't say screw.
me: Yeah, it's agaisnt her morals or something like that.
Tasha: I can too say it....I can say fuck.

I'm laughing so hard, my bodice is preparing to split.

I love my friends.

So I get up there and on entering the fair several of the people working the fair are actually commenting on my clothes---"You look lovely, M'lady", "Wonderful costume, M'lady." etc. Etc....I like being complimented.

So we run around for a while while our other friends find their way into the fair and to us. This is the point I find out that Sara and Tiffany have come armed with Blue RIbbons. Blue ribbons being for the men that are 'ballsy' enough to wear a kilt properly.....pun intended.

So we're watching the Highland games and Tiffany approaches her first two victims of the day...a hot guy and an older dude.

Tiffany: "Hey, do you guys want a blue ribbon?"
Old Guy (with scottish accent): "A Blue ribbon, what's it for?"
Young Guy(also with scottish accent) : "Yeah, what do we have to do to get this blue ribbon?"
Tiffany: "Well, the blue ribbons are for the guys wearing Kilts that are wearing them properly, so are you guys wearing your kilts properly?"
Young Guy: "And how is it we wear our kilts properly?"
Tiffany: "Nothing underneath"
Old Guy: "Of course we aren't wearing anything underneath...what kind of Scotsman doesn't wear his kilt properly?"
Young Guy: "So do we get your blue ribbon now?"
Tiffany: "Well....can you prove it?"
Young guy: "By all means...."

and at this he juts his hips slightly forward and says "Alright girly, get on your knees and check..."

I don't think Tiffany actually thought these guys would go for it, but they did and down she went and up she looked and two blue ribbons she bestowed upon our scotsmen.

Young Guy: "I think I'm going to tie it...."
Old Guy: "No you're not, how're you going to...."
Chick with two guys: "You've got to tie a bell about it if you do..."

And so for the rest of the day, Young Guy walked around the fair, a blue ribbon tied to his happy place, a jingle bell to the other end...constantly ringing between his knees.

I love scotsmen.

So we wandered and made it back for the joust, all the while looking for more prey.

At the joust, we sat at the bad guys' side and screached loudly at the good guys.

At one point, Tiffany (who's quickly becoming the heroine of our trip) yells out "Go home to your mommy and cry!" at which point Sir Micheal, lord of whitehall (good guy) responds (and he's microphoned) "Cry? Cry? THere's no crying in jousting!"

I love the Ren Faire.

So Sara and Tasha go to look for Corsets....and actually find some that they like. Our reaction as they're getting laced in is "damn." Repeatedly, the word "Damn." is uttered. We agree to go back to the corset shop later because we want to go watch Ded Bob. In watching Ded Bob, we see our next bit of prey. Sara leads the sheep to the slaughter and I take photographs of the slaughter.


Sara convinces Tasha to "Kilt Inspect" however Tasha chickens out before she has to look. She however takes the guys' word that he's a true scotsman and awards the blue ribbon. But he wants it tied on by the lady.....so Tasha hangs it limply over the leather strap about his waist. I tell her to tie a proper knot...and she obliges....all the while I'm taking pictures.

Now, the funny thing is that only when I got home and uploaded images did I realize this guy is wearing the staff rosette and that he had a wedding ring on......oops.

Tasha Blue ribboned a Married Rennie.....ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ......

We wait for the procession to pass and Sara and I have been staring at teh two fully armored body guards all day. Not that they're really that hot, just the fact that they're in full armomr...that makes them hot.

They're staring at our merry band of lusty wenches and I say, "It's a pity they aren't attired properly or we could award them a blue ribbon..." Let's just say they're heads sort of craned around in that armor as we walked away.

So then we go up the hill to Puke and Snot....whose show hasn't changed in ten years.

Tiffany, who's forgotten to take her medicine, goes through a fifteen minute bout of ADD pre-show.

We see a kid dressed as Zelda and Sara says she'd hug the dork if he came down...

Tiffany: "HEY ZELDA! IF YOU COME DOWN HERE, SHE'LL HUG YOU!"
Sara: "Thanks Tiff."

Zelda actually gets suckered into coming down to get a hug from a corseted Sara. PRobably made the poor kids wet dream....

Tiffany: "Who else wants hugs? ANybody else?"

Some drunk guy comes down and says "Sure, I'd love one!" Tiffany asks him which one of us he'd like to hug.

"I get to chose? All of them!" so drunk boy ends up hugging four of us.

Tiffany then decides to start the wave.

The show starts and her ADD ends.

Puke and Snot actualy changed up the beginning of their show. At one point, Puke says
"Reality is a situation only created by a lack of good alcohol."

I like it....maybe cuz it's true.

So we continue to shop, we continue to kilt hunt...and look for sharp pointy objects.

We return to the corset place because they've convinced me that I need one. Erin also tries one on.

So they lace me in and I'll admit, I'm already endowed with a rather large rack.....but put me in a corset and suddenly....

"Holy Shit! You could eat off that!"
"Renee, you've got a shelf!"
"Damn."

Yes, the Girls got turned into Ladies as the shop keeper said and by god they were sitting tall and pretty the rest of the day.

Erin likes the corset, but doesn't have enough cash to purchase one...so she calls home to see if she can convince her parents to return the next weekend or to loan her the cash to buy it then.

We only hear Erin's side of the conversation but realize that Mr. Hunt (of Snickers Sex Police officer fame) is not happy about this idea. Erin doesn't get a corset, but I do.

The girls at the fair in full corseted glory.

At one point one of the staffers who is portraying a history teacher looks at me and my newly hoisted rack and says "M'lady, you are a very welcome sight for very sore eyes."

Ha, old dudes slay me.

So we all return to the joust for the 'joust to the death' and we, of course, sit on teh side reserved for the children of mayhem and misdeeds.

Tiffany is still yelling obscene things at the knights and getting laughed at by people around us.
Sara is still looking for a kilt I can inspect because I refuse to inspect anyone who's married, ugly, old or who even remotely looks attached or like jailbait.

OUr final mission fails...I do not end up inspecting anyone's kilts.....but that's ok because I had a blast at the Ren Faire.

As we exit, Sara and I have our pictures taken with the two knights playing the body guards of the King. One of them says "So who's taking me home?" Sara responds with "Actually , we were both going to take you guys home...."
The cuter of the two tells us that even though his wife is in charge of the wenching league, he doesn't think she'd be appreciative of his being kidnapped...the other guy is all for it though.

We return to the Springs and Erin begs me to drop her off first to show her parents the corset....Probably not the best idea in the world, but I'll go along with it....as we come through the door Mr. Hunt it standing in the living room and says

"You woke me up from my nap because you just HAD to talk to your mother because you just had to have money for WHAT?!?!"
"Hi Daddy....."

Whoops...maybe I shouldn't have come in.....but I guess I passed inspection....Erin still isn't getting a corset.

So ended our trip to the Colorado Rennaissance festival....I love the fair....men in skirts, and of course my wonderful friends who make my adventures so noteable.