Halloween

It's that time of year....when people dress like retards and it's OK because "It's Halloween."

I've come to the conclusion that every year there is a theme for Halloween and every year I miss the memo.

Like I was a hippy the year it was cool to not go out and trick or treat. A pumpkin the year being something scary was good. And I didn't do anything for Halloween the year I was supposed to find a party to go to.

Oops, my bad....but unless people tell me these things, there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

Skip to Halloween 2003. For some reason the rugby team decided to have their party on a Thursday night. Go figure. I was working a haunted house and came straight from the haunted house wearing only my black clothes and, much to my dismay, blacklight paint. I looked like a battered wife....like a zombie....like a fucking beacon! I walked in the house and my whole face glowed atomic style because of the black light in the front room. I probably could have made a blind person shudder....I banished myself to the back yard where there wasn't the slightest sign of black light. I don't honestly remember costumes since most people had left and/or gotten out of their costumes. I do know that the theme for males this year was "cross dressing" as the bearded lady was in attendance along with at least three VERY manly lesbians....who were DEFINATELY packing something they shouldn't have been. What I do remember were teh bruises from teh next day. You see, my job in the haunted house was to hide in a large trash can and scream and beg for help, but the only way to do it was to propel myself using my upper arms. The next day I had bruises that looked like someone had grabbed me and shaken me like a rag doll. It hurt bad.....Saturday, with our Slovakian friend in tow, we went trick or treating. She'd never done it before, so we were doing our honorable duty as bored college students to educate her in the wonderful ways of begging for candy. The next day was a rugby day, so it wasn't like finding a party was an option for me....but I guess I missed the memo saying 18 year old college students DON'T go trick-or-treating....

Skip to Halloween 2004. Party day is Sunday so insane amounts of liquor are purchased the day before after rugby games and all liquor has been consumed by the teams. Sunday night roles around and we're at least guaranteed something to make for a good evening. I decide to dress as a wench. Roomie and I had just finished making the costume, so I'm all about wearing it. Of course, I've come to the conclusion that "If you've got it, flaunt it." and let me tell you when you tie down the bodice lacings, you can get a nice bit of cleavage going for yourself.

That's me on the end....in the Renaissance costume....

Now, apparently we missed the memo (every last one of us) which stated that the theme for Halloween 2004 was underwear. Every chick at that party was in nothing more than a pair of panties and a bra. I'm serious! And for the guys, the theme was childrens costuemes or...underwear!

Not exactly the greatest pic in the world, but let me tell you it was a very big naked fest in that back yard that night....and in the drunk tank down town if you get my meaning.

So now we're going to review Halloween 2005 since it just happened, it's fresh in my mind, and for once in my life I GOT THE MEMO!

So I was seriously going to go as the beer wench again only this year I was TOTALLY going to bust out the corset.

Get it "bust" out the corset...I crack myself up.

Anyway, the comments I got on this one included "are those real?" and "Damn, girl, put those things away! You'll poke someone's eye out!" (This was actually uttered by a gay guy...my friend later commented that my rack quite possibly had the ability to turn men straight again. I am all powerful.)

I decide wearing a corset around the men's house might be a bad idea. I actually like it when guys talk to my face and not to my tits.

I start on plan "B" although this is purely a last resort as I'm still entertaining thoughts of wearing the corset. AFter going to a different rugby party in OH, I realize the corset would be a very bad idea, and just not in the spirit of a rugby chick. Let the ho's come to the party nekkid....Rugby chicks it's time to get creative.

Plan "B" consists of my father's old flight suit. I sewed a few 'patches' that I copied from the internet onto the thing, and created a name badge. Do you have any idea how long it takes to paint a piece of cardboard with black fingernail polish? and then write on it in silver nail polish? Do you also know about the buzz you can get from that shit?

I decide I am a genius for doing this. This affords me the luxury of wearing the really fucked up aviator sun glasses. Did I mention this party starts WAY after the sun goes down?

Anyway, so I was talking to my mother about halloween and told her I'd be wearing the flight suit. Her exact words to me were "Well, if you're gonna do it, make sure you do it right and get your boobs out there....you better have it unzipped and get those bad boys hitched up there."

I have more tatas than my mom ever had....She's very jealo. I figure if Momma is tellin' me to do it, it's got to be OK....

I get dressed and head out to the meeting spot to meet the girls.

I am ready to partay.

Enter Thing One and Thing Two. So named because they are joined at the hip and are evil little shits. That's their real hair, spray dyed blue and teased like a mother fucker. I don't think they teased their hair...I'm still convinced they sat in the dorms and licked electrical sockets all afternoon.

Now, here's the EKU women's team in almost it's entire glory. I will give you a rundown of the costumes and personalities in case you're wondering.... The presence of the EKU Police officer in the bottom corner is totally fine, so stop flipping out....she plays for us and happened to ride by in time for the group picture. Devan was Tinkerbell, who can't help but look cute no matter what. We then had Trash who dressed up as a booger. For the rest of the evening when she hugged us, we could yell "Eww! I've got a booger on me!" Next is Sonny and Cher. Yes, Sonny is a chick...and if you're wondering her name is Pig Pen. Cher was a returner. I just barely made it in the picture. Then we had Emily as "Queen of the Diamond"...it's a baseball thing. Beamer was Shaun Paul....I don't care if it's spelled wrong....Brownie was "Dot from Mad TV" Beth in the way far back was a freak, but she was eventually the drunk fairy. Next to her is Melissa, aka "Pussywagon", who was a Flapper Girl. Next to her is our very own Tina Turner(Asha). Mo came as Chiquita Banana and Lauren was the ever blessed Nunja (She had 'nun-chucks' and a side kick.) Of course in front of her are the ever mischievous Thing one and THing two. In the middle we have Rick James as...Rick James of course and next to her is Michelle (Kuna) who was Miss Rugby. IN case you were wondering...she was wearing cleats.

Once we arrive at the party we are impressed....the first thing we see are a pair of smurfs who are working the kegs....There was 'death' and various other 'dead' people. We go to the front room and hang out. One of our other girls shows up as Tom Cruise from Risky Business....I am instantly labeled as Tom Cruise from Top Gun...even though I am officially Lt. Col. McHigh of the United States Air Force....

I'll have you note that this picture was taken VERY early in the evening.

This one, however was taken a few hours (and a few beers) later...I heard my mother's voice and, you know, Momma is always right.

There are several themes appearing and as usual, I'm thinking I didn't get on board.

1.) Theme one would appear to be dressing as a fairy, as two of our girls were fairy's as well as Mac...

Scary..isn't it...

2.) Theme two for the evening consisted of body painting yourself to change your race. Only in Kentucky can you go to a Halloween party and find white kids painting themselves black and going as something...

Now, it was theme three of the evening that I fell in on. This is the one where I stood up proudly and yelled "Hot Damn! I FINALLY got the memo!" Let's see if you can see it in the next few pictures....

Have you figured it out yet? Pig Pen had Aviators on, Beamer had chick style aviators on, Wildcat dressed as a Sherriff had Aviators on, I had Aviators on as did Elwood who was also a Sherrif. Girls who came as stripper police had Aviators on. Other people just had sun glasses on. I finally got the memo! Go me!

Now there were two more themes for the evening....

One was coming as some form of emergency personell. There were about ten chicks that showed up as "Privates inspectors", Three male sherrifs, firefighter (girl in bunker pants and helmet) and an EMT. Granted, the 'privates inspectors' were little more than stripper costumes, but still, everyone seemed to be a member of law enforcement.

The last theme was showing up naked, or mostlly so...

At least for the guys....

And so ended Halloween 2005. The final who's who ended up being 14 cops and law enforcement type officials, 8 Referees, 6 dead people, Five Musical Performers, Four forms of redneck, Four children's Cartoon characters, Three Play boy bunnies, two wrestlers, Two Phantoms of the Opera, Two Tom Cruises, Two Muff Divers, One Tickel me elmo and....

One very convincing Napolean Dynamite character, as played by Dusty.

P.S.--A bloody tampon was also in attendance, leave it to a Hockey guy to come as that.