How I spent my Christmas Vacation.....

My Christmas Break can be summed up by three words.....


ALWAYS USE PROTECTION

Well, perhaps my summation needs a little explanation....but anyone who knows the shit head in the picture would understand.

OK, so my brother IM'd me one day before Christmas and said he wanted this shirt. It said 'Sex with a Miner' on it and is somewhat appropriate considering the fact that he goes to the Colorado School of Mines and is going to be a petroleum dork. I thought the shirt was somewhat funny and vulgar enough to make my mother roll her eyes so I got it for him.

Now the night I got home, we're all sitting around the dinner table and my brother, as usual, does something inherently stupid. At which point I look over to my father and say, 'well, those are your genes in action.' My father responds with 'No it isn't....we FOUND him.' Needless to say, I have ammo for life.

Christmas morning (post battle royale of previous post) Matt opens his 'Sex with a Miner' shirt and begins to get weird and giggly. WEll, maybe not 'begins' to get weird, he's always weird, but I'm getting off the subject....

Anyway, someone else is opening a present and Matt decides to put on his official, King of the Dorks hat....his CSM Hard Hat, along with his 'sex' shirt. He then stands up and proclaims "Always use Protection" while pointing at his chest and his hard hat. THe whole time I'm thinking "Yeah, in more ways than one."

My parents just HAD to have that second kid, didn't they.....

So the whole break I was prompted to comment on this and point out all of his stupid moments and comment loudly (and often in public) that we should 'always use protection' and how we found him, and how I did not know who the strange kid in the sport coat was...which goes to issue number two of fashion miscue that my brother is prone to....

Everyone knows the Miami vice look. White sport coat, t-shirt underneath it...deck shoes.

WEll, Deck shoes don't exactly work in Colorado.....but my brother is pretty much sporting the Miami Vice look.

He wears SPORT COATS! Like, all the time. He goes to Goodwill and buys out the whole damn store. He's got like, six nasty tweed jackets and then gets mad when people compare his coats to the upholstery on the chairs in the dorm (he's got one that obviously missed the call back because it's brothers were made into CSM desk chairs).

Oh, and you know the 'Miami vice' coat? Yeah, my brother owns the whole damn suit. Skinny assed white boy owns a full up white suit. All he's missing is the coral and turquiose shirts to wear under it....and a pair of deck shoes.

But see, it could only get worse.....you see, while in Steamboat Colorado (which will have to be a COMPLETELY different post, I don't feel like being giggly this early) my mom bought my brother a stetson. Now this is the same kid who runs around in the Jewish bookie hats all the time and has done so for at least the past five years. We NAME the hats it's gotten so bad.

Anyway, with the promise that 'morty' would get the boot and never be worn in my mother's presence again, my brother purchased a rather nice looking, tan stetson.

Coupled with the sport coat and straight legged jeans, he now looks like a Texas Oil Baron. He seriously walks around like he's waiting for his big white limo with the cattle horns on the grill to take him out to inspect the rigs....it's incredibly disturbing.

Well, since steamboat is going to be a completely separate post, the last weekend of my break, I went skiing/camping with Troop 99. We sleep in tents, in the snow, lift side, which if you've ever been skiing with any frequency, you understand what a wonderful thing 'liftside' is.

Sleeping in the snow the first night wasn't so bad....wasn't really windy or anything...however, my father did neglect to ensure that his tent had a weather fly....I was not amused with the ghetto rigged tarp.

So after a full day of skiing, in which I 'hurt' Shawn Moore, (poor baby tried to keep up with me and just couldn't hack it.) I am ready to just go to sleep. It is windy tonight, but I am assured by my father that despite the cold and wind, it will eventually stop. Inside THREE sleeping bags (yes, I was in THREE sleeping bags, fleece liner, down mummy bag, rectangular summer weight slumber bag) I believe him. However, it is at 3AM when my father loses all credit to his name and I wake up to realize "It's fucking cold". Not inside my three sleeping bags, but outside...where I'm thinking of venturing because I have some girly business I should take care of. I poke my head out of my sleeping bag (somewhat like Phil the Groundhog) and realize that it's cold and snowy. COLD AND SNOWY INSIDE THE TENT!!! My father's complete lack of a weather fly on the tent has caused it the snow that has fallen in the night to accumulate inside the tent. I am not amused and make it known to him once he wakes up about an hour later.

So basically what I guess I'm saying is that my entire month off from school was spent in a comedy of errors. Oh well, I'm happily entrenched back in room 912 at EKU and loving every moment of it....even if I was in bed before ten thirty last night..... :-D