Singles Awareness Day

Well, February fourteenth is right around the corner and we all know what that means.

Time to get the trash cans cuz I'm gonna puke.

I HATE Valentines Day. Call me bitter and old, but I really do hate it. I didn't always used to be this way either....oh no. I used to be one of those dorky kids who wore red, and wore tights with little red hearts on them and had valentines for all the kids in my class....even Ray who I hated with all of my heart. I wasn't bitter back then. You may not believe it, but I used to be quiet, shy, reserved and friendly....some might even say I was cute. Even the memory of losing a baby tooth on a red, heart shaped jell-o jiggler wasn't enough to make Valentine's Day evil. Now it's enough to send me to therapy.....the things we learn with age.

Anyway, I think I really started hating Valentines Day in Middle School. There were the candy grams and the big Valentines Day Dances in the gym. When I was in seventh grade we had our first instance of "Fuck this Shit" and decided to go out as a group of girls and see a movie. Of course, we just HAD to go see Titanic. My friend Bridget cried her eyes out and every kleenex and Chic-Fil-A napkin I threw her way came right back at me. Yes, we were truly disgusting middle school kids.

In High School I ignored the candy grams and the flowers. It was harder, however, to ignore the big balloons and the "I love you" Teddy Bears and shit kids would give their significant others. Gag me with a spoon, for the love of god get over yourselves! It's High School! Big Deal! And best of all was when a week later that couple had broken up and moved on. That was enough to make my day.

And then my Senior Year of High School I was blessed with knowledge. Profound knowledge I might tell you. I was turned on to the joys and beauty of Single's Awareness Day. I proclaim the Patron Saint of Singles Awareness Day unto you all, I give thee Sara Bram. Yes, Sara went about her classes spreading the joys and awareness of Singles. With a little red heart shaped badge of courage we proudly proclaimed that we were Single, the letters S.A.D scrawled neatly across it. I still have my first S.A.D badge......It's taped to the back of my bed room door.

Ah yes, Singles Awareness Day was a smash for us. We still got cookies and had to stare at all these moon eyed high school dorks, but it was soooo worth it knowing that we had a holiday of our own to celebrate and that in two weeks, we wouldn't have to be hanging on to someone new.

It was also compounded with my brother's view on Valentines Day. The kid is a real player, he loves women. However, he just can't seem to keep one. So, the single and frustrated young man was annoyed when his less than mature History class suggested having a Valentines day party, complete with cookies, cupcakes and little candy hearts (barf!) When asked what they'd bring, many boys said "Uhh...a bag of chips or a two liter from 7-11" It was easy to pick up since 7-11 is right across the street from campus. My brother says "I'd like to do a power point on the history of Valentines Day." My brother is about as sick and twisted as they come (except for me of course) and his mind was wandering straight towards murder. I mean, St. Valentine was a martyr and all.....there's the St. Valentines Day massacre, Romeo and Juliet died for love....I mean, the kid really wanted to show the darker side of VD. So with the student teacher's blessing my brother disappeared into the abyss that was cyberspace. Yes, Matt descended into a realm of blackness. He did more work for this power point that wasn't going to be for a grade, than he did on any other project the rest of his high school career. He found photos, information, crime scene reports....popped it into a power point and convinced me to bring my laptop to school so that the animation would work properly. So, two of my friends and I infiltrate the sophomore class room and set up my computer. Matt puts in the disk and we enjoy the fact that virtually everyone in the room turns green. Yes, Matt did his power point on the St. Valentines Day massacre, complete with a detailed description of how each of the men died and in what condition their faces were when they were found. Matt even went so far as to close with a Valentine from Al Capone. The teacher never let him do a power point again.

So you see, I'm not the only one in my family to have issues with Valentines Day.

Of course, I brought the idea of Singles Awareness Day to College with me. Just a warning, Valentines Day is far worse in college than it is in High School. People are carrying big bouquets of flowers around, there's the 'Will you Marry Me?' ads in the paper, the roses for sale on the plaza to help support a frat. I spouted my Singles Awareness Day Bullshit to all who would hear. Most people had boy friends. Kim had one, but he dumped her right before Valentines Day, making her my first proud convert to S.A.D. We watched movies, we wandered campus. It was fun.

We were pathetic.

Now that I have my blog, I can spout my Singles Awareness Day rhetoric to the world. Kim went back to VD, she's got a steady boy friend (gag) and my newest consort in crime and I have many issues to present to the rest of you.

When you wander around, spreading your love and cheer and defacing the very essence that is eros, you make us singles feel like shit. Yeah, we're alone, but we enjoy it that way. We are free! Free! Do you hear me?!? We enjoy being single and do not want you to rub it in our faces that you have men in your lives and we don't. We don't need to see you making out with someone, or see him buy you a dozen roses. We don't need to go into Wal-Mart and deal with the bombardment of those happy little hearts and horrible red candy (unless of course it's three bags for a dollar and then we can suck it up). Honestly, we are soooo tired of Valentines Day. So please keep your VD to yourself and we'll remain S.A.D.

Celebrate Singles Awareness Day This February Fourteenth....you'll be glad you did!