Ewww.....PDA and VD

Well, it's that time of year again.

Time for me to expound on the stupidity that is Valentines Day.

I prefer to celebrate Single's Awareness Day because let's just face it---it's a much better and socially aware holiday than Valentine's Day.

Now, this year I'm going to bring up something that truly, honestly and consistently bugs me.......Public Displays of AFfection.

Public Displays of Affection are needless acts committed in public by two people. I'd say 'or more' but then we're getting into some kinky assed shit there and I dont' think we need to deal with those mental images today.

Did you know that back in the day holding hands with someone was a scandalous public display of affection? That's right, sitting handclasped with someone was as much a statement of intent as anything else in our society today.

Today however, people wouldn't even bat an eye at two people holding hands (unless it's two dudes and then people start throwing words like 'fag' and 'homo' around and that's just wrong too). Today, some people don't even bat an eye when two people kiss in public (unless it's two guys and then people start throwing words like 'fag' and 'homo' around and that's just wrong too).

My definition of PDA might be a little twisted....some might even say 'prudish' (I know who you are too!) but it is a well working and technically correct definition.

PLUS--It's MY definition and I don't give two shits what you think about it so take that!

Anyway, my definition of PDA goes like this.

PDA--The exhibition of a gratuitous and needless act of affection for another individual in the presence of others.

This means that if you are in a room with other people and are making out, groping one another, kissing each other lightly/passionately/ardently/ with tongue/without tongue/ eyes opened/closed/ gouged out of your skull, you are commiting a public display of affection.

Honestly, no one else in the room needs to be privvy to your make out session. Your affection for one another is exactly that--YOUR AFFECTION FOR ONE ANOTHER! It is not your affection to share with the world. God only gave us so much love to share and baby...I think I got short changed.

I am not completely innocent of PDA. I will admit that there was this one time in the Bahamas....

WHAT HAPPENS IN THE BAHAMAS STAYS IN THE BAHAMAS YOU MORON!

Right....whoops....

Let's just say that I committed a public display of affection and that it happened and that I was ashamed because ALL MY FRIENDS SAW IT and I didn't live it down for the next six months.

But it was the day after my birthday so really the guy was just giving me a birthday kiss.......right?

OFF SUBJECT!

So anyway.....this Valentines Day it is my wish that everyone be more Singly aware. That when you carry around your roses and teddy bears, cards and balloons that you realize that there are those of us who will not be gettin any sweets from our sweets, sugar from our sugars or just plain 'not getting any' as the case may be.

We are single....we know that in some weird way this makes us who we are. It defines us. It is God's way of saying he hates us. We understand that it is our lot in life. Our prince charming has not come riding up on his white horse to take us away to his beautiful kingdom and we are still stuck watching you make out with your man.

I can't wait for all the diamond and card and schmaltzy commercials to end.

I mean, really...why do guys need a special holiday to profess his undying love for you? SHouldn't it 'technically' be an every day thing? SHouldn't he always be willing to buy you pretty things...bring you home flowers.....take you out to dinner? I mean, yes...having a calendar holiday OUGHT to make it easier...but how many times do we sit down with our girlfriends and hear through a torrent of tears "and he FORGOT VALENTINE'S DAY again!"

Boo freakin' Hoo.....

Whatever...I've got rugby practice to plan.....I'll come back when the Armageddon that is VD disappears.