Just some Things Requiring Comment

16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN: by Dave Barry , Nationally Syndicated Columnist ----Extra Commentary by Nee Nee who is obviously smarter than Dave cuz it only took me Nineteen years to figure some of this crap out.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. ---Why would you do that? I mean, hello? Must have been a guy that did it.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." ---Think about it. You go and everyone talks and nothing gets done. You do the same thing every day and the progression is so mind bogglingly slow it drives men to tears.

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." --Just so you know, I cross that line daily. SOmetimes more than Daily. Cross the line!

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ---This is VERY true. Have you ever noticed that the more you try to convince a religious fanatic that you've got views you're happy with, the louder and more heated they get? They keep trying to tell me my soul is in danger and that I should "accept the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior." I keep telling them that we're all going to Hell and I'm driving the Bus. Ali is in charge of the Hotel, and we've got two social co-ordinators, a bouncer and at least three other security guards. It's BYOB. We're throwing one big mother fucking kegger when we all get there.... My new one liner (especially considering the season) came from a guy named Nick. He says "He's giving up Jesus for Lent." I think I'll join him.....yeah....I'm soooo going to hell.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life. ---Thou shalt have fun and enjoy it damn it! Money and working until you die is not the be all to end all. That's why I'm a Park and Rec Major.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. ---This is not true. I CARE if I can't dance well. I do not want to be 'that girl' with the big ass and absolutely no rythm. You know the one that everyone goes home and talks about....oh, you know you do it, so don't even try to play sweet and innocent.

7. Never lick a steak knife. ---Well, you can, but you have to smart about it. I eat off steak knives. Men, you must be smarter than the cutlery!

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. ---True. I've threatened to take a man's balls because of Gossip. I've got bodies hidden because people couldn't keep their mouths shut. You have been warned.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. ---why do we observe Day light savings time? The only good thing about it is that if you do it right, you can get an extra hour of partying in. And when you lose an hour? Well, you party an extra hour anyway, extra hard.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. ---And if you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment, why the hell are you just standing there and not calling 911!?!?!?!?!?!

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. --Hell No! It may stop at age 11, but it picks up again at age 21. Trust me, you will have people lined up around the block the day you turn 21 because people want to get you drunk.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. ---I am! I am an excellent driver. If I wasn't, then I wouldn't be able to pull into a parallel parking slot on the opposite side of the street doing a 180 and sliding in without scratching my car or any other vehicle in a twelve mile radius. Boo-ya!

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) ---The most important person in any establishment is the one who cleans the bathrooms. If you're rude to a waiter, you should be shot. Don't be an ass, pay for a twelve dollar meal with a hundred dollar bill and leave a sixty seven cent tip. Jack ass!

14. Your friends love you anyway. --- Even if you puke on their shoes, are loud, drunk and obnoxious, stupid, socially deficient...your true friends will still love you anyway. If they REALLY love you, they'll bail your ass out of jail.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. --- This is one I never considered. Wow. You know...maybe that means I should go into brain surgery as of ten minutes ago.......Nah.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. ---And even then they aren't acceptable. Guys suck. They all have flaws and no matter how hard you stomp the crap out of them they will still be dumb as fuck and have one flaw.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. ---Well if that isn't a disturbing thought, I don't know what is. Can you imagine? Woman with Alzheimer's--"Hey, who are you? Oh....where did I get these? I bought them? How much did they cost me? WHAT!?!?!?!?! Send them back! SEnd them back!" Man with Alzheimer's "Hey......what am I supposed to do with this? With who? All these big titted bimbos are old. What?!?!?!?! I'm old! Well what AM I supposed to do with THIS!"

Well, here's your commentary for the day. Just thought I'd share thoughts.