Why the spork list is a great invention

OK, so some people don't understand why I get so much enjoyment out of the spork list. Well, let me tell you, that's not the only thing I get perverse enjoyment out of, but we'll start there and move on...

The spork list brings me great enjoyment simply because with it I AM GOD! Yes, I get to play God in my little world and decide who does and does not get to procreate based on social skills, mental capacity and level of douchebaggedness. Fuck you....that is too a word....cuz Amy said so. If you fuck up, I get to move you from list to list. If you do something exceptionally endearing and worthy of our attention, I get to move you once again and miraculously restore your ability to create and heir. And just a thought...you know...women really are godly in our power as to whether or not men can procreate....I mean we ARE the ones that will carry the child to term...deal with the raging hormones....the lactating....THE PAIN! Ultimately, we are the ones who can say whether or not a man can fuck us.....so we are all, in essence, God. I mean, think about it. And I can't be blamed for a damn thing....I mean, unless someone from my list turns up ball-less and they can find bloody plastic sporks laying at the scene of the crime, it's not me.

Some other things that bring me great joy.

Imagining people's heads imploding---Some people wonder how I can deal with absolute idiots of the world and treat them so nicely and with a smile. It's easy....I'm just imagining that their head is imploding...instant gratification...the words coming out of their mouth are merely so much noise and the smile on my face is because of the immense joy it brings me.

Making fun of people in chat rooms--- I mean, you're already faceless, nameless, and blameless. Chat rooms are free speech forums...but why do people insist on abusing these rights? I mean, sure, go ahead and name yourself sexy_cheerleader_cutie and then come into a chat room and say "Hi! Hot, Sexy, 15 year old cheerleader. IM me to chat!" Please...this shit is just begging comment. Firstly, sexy cheerleader cutie? whatever...mighty full of yourself...secondly, 15 years old? There is nothing sexy about a fifteen year old. You probably don't even have a chest yet! Jesus Christ... Yes...I do get my kicks making fun of these moronic teenagers.....I wish they'd just go get real lives like the rest of us used to....

Fire---Yes, I'm a pyro at heart. I love making things melt, explode, burn and incinerate. I love the smell of wood burning....or the gentle glow that a candle produces. there is nothing, NOTHING sexier than the glow of a couple candles in a dark room. I mean, fire is warm and the way it moves is sort of sensual. I mean, I dont' go around lighting fires because it gets me off or anything, but I do enjoy lighting one when the time is right. And the forth of July? Oh Hell Yeah! I love setting off fireworks! Have you ever held a lighter under a can of WD-40? makes for an awesome torch....or seen plastic melt in a fire? that rocks too....

Multiple Personality Disorder--- I love letting the 'retarded kid' in me come out. Apparenlty the act is pretty funny. I'm going to go to hell for it, but it's OK....we all knew that anyway. I've also got 'Bitch Nee Nee', 'Rugby player Nee Nee', 'Oh Shit I've got to go to church, better behave myself Nee Nee', 'Hi (your name here)'s parent's! It's so nice to meet you! Golly, would you like some lemonade? Nee Nee', 'I'm smarter than you are and I KNOW it! Nee Nee' 'Hi Mom, I'm home' Nee Nee, 'I'm drunk and I don't give a shit Nee Nee', 'Southern Nee Nee' and 'Retarded Nee Nee' All combined at once, yeah..it's me...but when one overpowers the other....oh shit....RUN FOR THE HILLS!

Ok, so yeah, that's my retarded little schpeal for tonight. I'm tired and I dont' give a rats ass anymore. It's becoming difficult to find things that piss me off...so now I wrote about somethings that bring me happiness.

I'm gonna go dream of something happy....ooh...and maybe tomorrow I'll tell you what my vision of Hell is like! Won't that be interesting?