DONT'S!!!!

Alright, so my previous post was about things to do in order to get laid....well, we can't just leave it at that, so we came up with a list of things that will guarantee you a night alone.

GUYS

1.) Be a fucktard--If you've found yourself on the fucktard list and can not associate with humanity in a decent fashion, then you will not be getting any.

2.) Cheesy Pick up Lines-- Don't use bad pick up lines! They won't work...I gave you examples of good ones, now I"ll give you bad ones....
---"Are you from Tennessee? 'Cuz you're the only Ten-I-See!"
---Are you a parking ticket? 'Cuz you got FINE written all over you?
---"Did you wash your pants in windex? Cuz I can see myself in them..."
---"Is that your leg or a stairway to heaven?"
---"Are those space pants or is your ass just out of this world?"--Bo

For more bad pickup lines go to--http://coolsig.com/pickups1.html

3.) Make weird Duck/squeeky toy noises--Making odd noises is not attractive and does not guarantee you a quick lay in any way, shape or form.

4.) Don't Call Back--- If you say you're going to call, call....if you got it once, you will not get it again if we can not guarantee you will not keep in contact.

5.) Not agreeing to Cuddle After--- Guys, we really need a little cuddle after....just suck it up, and throw your arm over us, hold us, make us feel useful and wanted. Don't just roll over and leave us staring at the ceiling like a Twenty Dollar Whore.

6.) Bragging about Sexcapades to friends-- YOu may like to hear about our sexcapades, but we don't want them blabbed everywhere. Please do not fall into this trap....

Fucktard: the last time I had oral, about 3 months ago, after 3 min of her going down on me, she looked up at me and I had dislocated her jar on her right side
Fucktard: 30 min
Fucktard: sorry
Fucktard: not 3
Rebelspy2003: well then.
Rebelspy2003: tall tale....
Fucktard: yeah right
Fucktard: you don't believe me
Fucktard: ?
Rebelspy2003: Who would?
Rebelspy2003: I mean, I know I asked you to tell me and all, but it is a little far fetched.
Rebelspy2003: Even my magic eight ball doesn't know whether to believe you or not.
Rebelspy2003: "Outlook is gloomy, try agian later."
Fucktard: I can put you in contact with the girl who gave her a heating pad
Rebelspy2003: So you couldn't anything for her?
Rebelspy2003: A gentleman would have helped her.
Fucktard: I tried to pop it back in but she had to go to the emergency room because I didn't know how to fix it
Rebelspy2003: fucktard, you probably screwed it up worse trying to forcibly pop it back into place.
Fucktard: no
Rebelspy2003: what dumb fuck taught you first aid?
Fucktard: I didn't press hard
Fucktard: do you want to talk to the giel that helped her
Rebelspy2003: that's ok.
Fucktard: I got resourses that back me up
Rebelspy2003: Liars tend to stick together.
Rebelspy2003: why would you tell people that anyways?
Rebelspy2003: is it an ego booster?
Fucktard: well yeah
that and it's what changed my outlook on the whole why I lived my life
Rebelspy2003: I know if you told me that story, and I "was" to go down on you, I wouldn't. There'd be no chance in hell.
Rebelspy2003: Who in their right mind would want their jaw dislocated.
Rebelspy2003: That's stupid.
Rebelspy2003: So, I hate to tell you this, but that's a story I wouldn't necessarily be proud to tell.
Fucktard: yeah well

Guys, learn from fucktard and avoid this....and don't tell all your frat buddies about your girlfriend giving you road head! No one cares!

7.) Have a filthy Apartment or room-- Guarantee that if your room is absolutely trashed, we will not sleep with you. It's got to be at least a little clean. If it's TOO neat, we might think your gay or anal retentive...but don't have food everywhere, dirt on the floor, tobacco cans everywehre, etc. etc...

8.) Wearing dirty farm clothes/workout clothes/Practice Clothes--- Self explanatory---change before you pick us up.

9.) Having some rank odor or having uncontrollable bodily functions-- Don't fart around us and laugh...don't belch when we first meet you, don't sit there and scratch yourself. If you ahve B.O, shower...and keep your shoes on if you know your feet smell bad. Elwood, wash your damn feet!

10.) Do not bathe in cologne or aftershave--- We want you to smell good, but don't soak yourself and everything you own in cologne. That's not sexy at all...ever....if we can still smell you two days after you left our room...that's not a good thing. Take a shower!

SO there you have it....Ladies, stop laughing...the guys came up with a list for us too!

LADIES

1.) Not Shaving legs, underarms, etc.-- The guys don't like au naturale. THey want us cleaned up...smooth....just a hint....

2.) Complaining/Comparing them to ex boyfriends-- DOn't do it girls. Don't talk about your ex no matter how tempting. Forget him. I agree with the guys on this one.

3.) Talking/interacting with Ex's---He's an ex for a reason. Just don't talk to him.

4.) Acting like a 5 year old--- Don't pout, cry whine, or baby talk. Guys don't find that sexy.

5.) Oral Hygeine--Keep breath fresh and teeth clean. Nasty teeth will get you no where ladies.

6.) Playing hard to get for too long--- They like the idea of the hunt...but if we play games for too long, then they lose interest. Guys do have a really short attention span after all....

7.) Using Hints-- Guys want stuff kept simple. THey want us to tell them what we want. THey dont' want us to drop hints. I'm just so subtle about these things...all the time...it's a pity I have to drop so many hints and can't just tell the men what I want. I love this blog........

8.) Dressing too conservatively-- Don't dress like a nun/tom boy 24/7. Guys want to see what we've got before they go for the gusto.

9.) Dressing like a total Prostitute--- Find a happy medium ladies. THey want to keep some things for the bedroom. If you show them everything you've got now, then there's nothing for them to discover in the bedroom, and where's the fun in that?

10.) Talk on the cell phone during the date-- Leave the phone at home during the date and we might get laid after....no connections means no connections and the guys like that. BEsides, it's rude to talk to someone else while you're on a date.

So there you have it. I've given you DO's and I've given you DO NOT's. Now it's up to you to use them.

May the Force Be With You!