Another Jackie, Lauren and Renee Outing

If you have read the title, and the last post...you should be afraid...very afraid....


Yes, Jackie, Lauren and I ended up going on a crazy whirl-wind adventure (or mis-adventure) and I'm here to tell you about it.

Now, I, in all my awe inspiring power, recruited Lauren to play rugby. Yes, Elwood may have helped a little the one night at dinner, but I did most of the work.

Lauren is now an accomplished prop, or first row player on the women's team. She's played in five games. We like Lauren a lot.

Anyway, Lauren played Saturday in our home game against Marshall (visit www.ruggerscrap.blogspot.com for info on the game). Apparently at the end of the game, she went down with the ball, went to place it and got her hand cleated. Lauren is a tough cookie and didn't say much about it after the game.

Sunday at breakfast she mentioned that it hurt, but I didn't think about it.

Today in class her hand looked awful. Twice the size of the un-cleated one, she can't even close her hand around a pen properly. It's disgusting. Several of the girls in class are of the opinioin that she's broken it. Jackie and I decide that after our last class (in less than an hour) we'd take her to the hospital.

So after class, Jackie and I hop into the chaos mobile and pick Lauren up and take her to the 13th circle of hell that is Pattie A. Clay Hospital. I fill in the paperwork for Lauren since her hand is fucked up and we go into Triage about 30 minutes later.

The triage nurse asks lauren questions about how she did it (trust me, eyebrows were raised) and then did some vital stuff. They usher us into a room and set up the gurney so that two of us can sit on it and the third in the chair. We talk about nothing and everything. We're laughing at cute doctor wannabe's and about some of the stuff in the room. There's this 'ortho-glass' stuff that we're just dying to play with, but our conscience's get the better of us and we decide not to.

Jackie likes men. No, not likes...ADORES Men. If it has two legs and a penis, Jackie wants it...She drives down streets and wonders if guys in cars are hot. I swear.....anyway, we are in the ER less than ten seconds and she's checking out the baby doctors and the real doctors and anything that's male. "Oh he's hot....he's definately not. Why couldn't you get the hot Dr. Lauren?"

Oy.

Jackie and I read a book while Lauren toodles off to get her hand x-rayed. At one point a dude in a jump suit comes by and asks if it's OK that he close the door. We say sure, but don't know why. We hear a gurney roll slowly down the hall way and then Lauren comes back and we start giggling and talking again.

Mostly about the sex novel's Jackie brought in.

I swear, Jackie is a book-aholic. She reads NOTHING but Nora Roberts Novels and she goes through about six a week. She reads in parking lots, between classes at meals and at traffic lights (Jackie, don't deny it...I saw you Saturday and so did three other people). Anyway so she brought an extra book in for Lauren to read in case she got bored waiting for doctors because we all know what slow asses they are. Anyway Jackie keeps threatening to do story time and eventually we get bored enough to let her. We are DYING because Jackie can not even read the scene without lauging her fool head off.

We're looking at the poster beside the gurney, trying to stop the giggle fit and we realize the poster depicts how to splint fingers arms and legs in different ways. This is not reassuring...shouldn't the doctor already know how to do that crap? Anyway we're talking about the different widths of the ortho-glass and Jackie is only just realizing that the 6" wide stuff shows a hand on it as well as the 2" stuff. She thought they were all for hands when in actuality, the 6" stuff is for legs and the 2" stuff for arms and wrists. Sheesh. Anyway I'm talking about how they're supposed to take this stuff and "Twist it, mold it, bend it flex it." Suddenly 'Lauren the Lyricest" is trying to come up with a song. I believe it went "Twist it, mold it, bend it flex it, come to the Doctor and he can Mend it." I am embarassed.

We are in the middle of our second hour at the hospital and our fourteenth giggle fit when we hear this man screaming and moaning. It's the worst sound you can imagine. You know the sounds people make in movies when they're getting tortured? This guy sounded worse. You know the blood curdling screams on ER? This guy was worse.....it was awful. We wanted to leave...we couldn't see this guy, but whatever the doctors were doing to him, it apparently hurt.

Eventually the Doctor comes back and tells Lauren that her hand isn't broken and that she should keep it wrapped up for a while. He leaves, saying a nurse will be in shortly to wrap it for Lauren.

Shortly turns into an hour full of blood curdling screams from the man and a woman. Yes, TWO people are moaning and groaning in agony. I'm not thrilled with this idea of staying at the hospital.

When the nurse FINALLY comes back to wrap Lauren's hand (a monkey could have done better) we skeedaddle quick to get out. Not only is Jackie late for work, but we don't want to be around the screams anymore.

THat's how I spent my afternoon...in my least favorit place in the world...bleh....no more hospitals for me.