The Lord of the Dance!

Alright, so I'm a weirdo...we all knew this...shit, my blog is called "Crayons Taste Good" what the hell? I actually like celtic music. Bag pipes, flutes, fiddles and drums. I love that shit. I also like the step dancing that comes with it. So when I saw an article in the paper on Sunday advertising for it to be in Lexington, I tried to get tickets and some friends to go with me.

Enter Jackie and Lauren (Hi Jackie and Lauren). Lauren had seen Riverdance a while back and Jackie just likes this kind of stuff. So they promise to pay me back and off we all go to Lexington to see hot men in tight pants tapping their lives away and all for our pleasure.

So I'm actually dressed nice--Skirt I stole from roomie, a nice shirt, hair and make up done....I'm looking good. Jackie wore jeans and a cute top. Lauren wore nice pants and a super cute shirt (Jackie said she wants to sooooo borrow it). We look ready for a nice evening of CULTURE--obviously something not familiar to native KY.

We're crowd watching, hey, we showed up an hour early....bite me.

Our first prey walks in. Close your eyes and imagine this---well, if you closed your eyes you couldn't read, so that's probably not a good idea. Just imagine this----Gold Leather Floor Length Trench Coat. Do I have your attention yet? Pure white whip-cream hair. Horn rimmed glasses as big as the bottoms of a two liter bottle of soda. 5'2. I'm not kidding you this little old lady comes in. We've affectionately started calling her Yetta. You know, like the grandmother from 'The Nanny'? Yeah, she looked like that woman.

Now, for those of you who don't know, Rupp Arena is a big place, but not so big that mere mortals can not find their seats. It should be easy. No, these idiots take forever. So the show starts late and this family comes in AFTER THE SHOW STARTS. Come on now....show time is 7:30...how hard is it to show up at 7? Anyway they've missed the first three acts or so (Lord of the Dance has a story--Good vs. Evil and all that shit) and this kid starts asking questions loudly. Instead of the parents taking the kid out or telling them in a parental way to shut the fuck up, they keep answering the brats questions, Despite the glares coming from everybody around them.

We do our best to ignore the brat behind us.

OK, so we're in KY and the show has Violins in it. You start playing a violin to a steady beat and people in Kentucky will do the 'Hee-Haw' slap until the sun comes up--and off beat the whole time. Oh my god.....3000+ people all off beat is a scary thing.

So it's half time and annoying, late and ill cultured family leaves to get Demon Spawn a hot dog. We revert to crowd watching. Jackie calls her mother.

"Hey Mom, you'll never guess where I am---Lord of the Dance.---Yeah, Class got cancelled and then I was going to go to the Library, but Renee called and was like, 'what are you doing?' so I told her and she said her room mate bailed and that she had the extra ticket and that if I could go, I could. So here I am--Isn't that cool!"

Jackie is 24 and has just told THE BIGGEST lie on earth to her mother. Lauren and I start laughing. This is funny. We keep laughing though because here comes Yetta.

Five minutes later comes another woman--Late sixties, early seventies--my guess is 72....I"m usually right about these things. Anyway--she's got Bahama Braids. Anyone who's been to the Bahamas or knows someone who's been has heard of the ladies who braid hair and do the really tight tiny braids. This GRANDMOTHER had a full head of braids. We laugh.

Just before the intermission is over, we see Demon Spawn and Family heading for a different section. There is a God and he is being exceptionally kind to us this evening.

Part two starts and I have already laid claim to the binoculars for the first two acts because the performance is all male at this point. No Girls. We are happy. Imagine the Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil monkeys passing Binoculars back and forth...that was us.

So the end of the show is upon us, the Lord of the Dance is still Lord of the Dance and the bad guy has lost. Bad guy has been masked the whole show. Bad guy comes back out to do curtain call AND MY HEART STOPS. NO MASK! This man is the epitome of GORGEOUS. And his smile...my heart is still melting. Lauren still wants the Lord of the Dance--Jackie wants anything with two legs...me I want Lord Drachon. Hell freakin' yeah....I already told mom that when I bring hot male Irish dancer home and tell her to meet the father of her Grand babies, to not be surprised.

Anyway, so we leave and Jackie tries to get us lost in down town Lexington. And then it begins....the giddiness goes to our heads and Lauren starts doing the whitest white girl dance in the front seat. Jackie joins in. I'm praying for tinted windows.

Then this song comes on with this annoying high pitched voice---Lauren does a great imitation of this chipmunk voice. She is now claiming to be a lyricist. Apparently 'lyricist' is the magic word to send Jackie into a giggle fit. Every time we say 'lyricist' Jackie bursts into laughter. This is amusing. Lauren continues to do the white girl dance.

We are almost home and I get a phone call from Emily saying she's at the ER and needs to be picked up cuz she was having trouble swallowing. I'm going to kill her, my brain turned off at 'can you come get me at the hospital?'

Anyway, so I get her and I OFFICIALLY decide that Dr's. blow. They didn't even talk to her about what they thought it was, they just sent some nurse back to give her the check out papers. Emily is pretty funny looped actually---she doesn't have a coherent thought, can't string two words together and she sure as hell can't walk right. Yes, I think the Hospital gave Emily booze, cuz she was acting drunk as fuck last night.

Anyway, Lord of the Dance (and Lord Drachon) are still on our minds today. Lauren and Jackie are still proclaiming me to be the greatest person currently walking this earth. Lauren asks why I haven't written about our misadventures-- "haha if you want i can use my mad ghetto lyricist skills and come up with some phat rhymes for your blog lol" I tell her that's enough. She says "haha well if you change your mind let me know, but i understand that the world isnt ready for my raw talent yet"

No...No they aren't Lauren.

So that's it....Lord of the Dance. Emily is fine---well, as fine as she can be with the ass hole Dr.'s that practice in Richmond, and I am still dreaming of my sexy, hot Irish Dancer....mmmm....sexy smile...growing distracted......

G'Night!