Danger Will Robinson! Danger! PDA Alert!

Oh, whatever has become of my merry little band of friends?

We used to be so carefree, simple minded...single.....ah.....the days of being a freshman.

Now one of us is not so single. And with that unfortunate addition of appendages and a torso that is her boy friend, came the unfortunate added danger of Public Displays of Affection.

Yes, I'm anti-PDA ok? I don't want to look at you and your lover making out....it's nasty....ESPECIALLY when I'm trying to eat my dinner.

Now, this evening the girls were eating dinner. OK, so Seth was there too, but whatever. When suddenly Amy's squeeze apparates beside her. Yes, I just made a Harry Potter reference, but you can kiss my ass Sunshine. Yes, Tyler appeared out of thin air. Amy is equally surprised at the appearance but moves over in her chair so that Tyler too could get an ass cheek on the chair.

(I can't believe I just wrote about Tyler's Ass Cheek)

(Crap! I did it again!)

Anyway so they're sitting there, I'm minding my own business, finishing my dinner and conversating with my friends when Tyler and Amy are cuddling, and holding hands, and they've got their arms over each others shoulders (Gag. Me.) and are looking just so cutsie. (BARF!)

I'm glaring, but apparently they only had eyes for each other because they just didn't get it! How can you NOT get it? I'm glaring daggers, icicles, metal pikes, rail road spikes, and plastic sporks at them and they are just IGNORING ME! Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter about it AT ALL!

Apparently the flying re-bar, and sharp pointy implements of doom weren't as easy to ignore for other people because suddenly Emily turns to me and says "You're going to write a blog about this aren't you?" At which point I just turn and grin maliciously...then, (and I swear, Hollywood couldn't have written it better) we both burst into laughter....yes....evil laughter. Amy and Tyler are clueless as to what we are talking about.

Yes, I'm going to write a blog about this. Isn't it obvious?

So, I'm still sitting at the dinner table talking to a friend when Tyler and Amy start tickling and messing with each other and being all handsy and cutsie. GAG ME. Emily makes the brilliant comment "Dude, why don't you guys just start making out already?" To which I agree because "That's just fucking disgusting."

Now I'll give Amy and Tyler kudos for being quick on the draw, but they were a bit too quick with this, because no sooner had those words left our mouths than they were locked in a fake passionate kiss. You know the one guys used to do in High School to each other when they were single and there was the "Token dude with a girlfriend" in their group? Yeah....they were doing that, but it was VERY real looking. I wig out and leave. Emily follows.

Now, on our way down stairs an puddle of coke trips Emily. It's rather funny because she slipped, I didn't and it took us quite a bit of time to figure out exactly why she'd tried to take the header downstairs. So once we've finished laughing at ourselves we head outside and she dishes more dirt on the T&A saga. (Not Tits and Ass you jackals! Tyler and Amy of course!)

Apparently Tyler and Amy were on Emily's bed and Tyler started to get handsy with Amy and Emily said something and they did the whole fake makeout thing again. They aren't very considerate of other people, that's for damn sure.

Anyway so we're talking about what I"m going to write about and how moony eyed they get and how they're probably back at the table snogging right now when Seth walks up.

Me: "So, did they start screwing each other on the table, or did you just get bored?"
Seth: "I didn't stick around to find out."
Me: "Ha Ha Ha.....well, that's good to know."
Seth: "You know, she needs to go on the hypocrite list......sheesh."
Me: "What's that?"
Seth: "She's such a hypocrite about that stuff."
Me: "Spill it Seth, I need more ammo. (evil laughter)"
Seth: "Well, we were studying Physics once and John was up there with us and Megan came in....

::::::::::Flash Back::::::::::

Ali and I go out for one of our infamous evening crack whore walks and we see Megan and John in the lobby standing close to one another and talking seriously about something. We return twenty minutes or so later and sit on the recently vacated couches to finish our discussion. We're talking when suddenly movement in the doorway catches our eye. There stand John and Megan in an all out serious lip lock. And boy oh boy was there some SERIOUS tongue action going on.

:::::::::::End of Flashback::::::::::

....and Megan came in and sat on John's lap and they started doing that (Seth gets a little green here, but continues) cutsie thing...."
Me: "I love you more...no I love you more....no I love you more."
Seth: "Exactly. So anyway, they're getting all kissy faced and stuff and Amy just sat there and said 'Dude, you guys shouldn't do that in front of other people."
Me: Oh that's so.....

Now, roughly the point of the flashback Amy and Tyler have walked by and are now standing just beyond Seth's left shoulder. I have been ignoring them...but now it's impossibly as Tyler has Amy in a full dip (Amy with one leg kicked in the air) and is "kissing her passionately."

OTHER PEOPLE WERE STARING AT THEM!

They're tee-hee-hee-ing as they finally realize I've seen them because I'm spluttering and yelling....something along the lines of "Oh for the love of god would you two knock it off? Other people are staring!"

Tyler lifts Amy up and starts to carry her off towards Burnam Hall. We're laughing now because this scene is just so ridiculous. So I belt out rather loudly "Give it to her good, Tyler."

Tyler stops and sets Amy down and turns to face us as Emily is now near peeing her pants and Seth is trying not to snort soda out his nose. I say it again because Tyler and Amy both ask what exactly is so funny.

DOWN WITH PDA! STOP MAKING OUT IN PUBLIC YOU SICK PERVERTED FREAKS!

This is your public service announcement for the week of April 25th, 2005.