Hell

OK, so most people envision Hell as a place of pain and suffering, fire and brimstone. Not me. Fire and brimstone, sure....but that could be fun after a while ( we all know how much I like fire).

Anyway, if you really wanted me to suffer for all eternity...here's what would have to go down.

Firstly, All the sorority girls and frat boys would have to be there. I mean, we all know they're going to hell anyway, but isn't hell, like, segregated? Well, let's just say it isn't and I'm thrown in with those damn sorority bitches. Can you imagine having to spend the rest of your life listening to those retarded ass chants and cheers and the laughing and the crying because in Hell there are no hair straighteners or make up or Loreal Blonde #39. And the frat boys would be running around trying to fuck anything that moved and high fiving each other....so I'm not sure that's such a great idea to have them down there either.

Secondly, Hell would have no duct tape, crazy glue, super glue, gorilla glue or WD-40. Is that possible? Oh my god that's really my worse nightmare.....I mean, can anyone LIVE without duct tape? It's impossible. And WD-40? I mean, if it's stuck you gotta move it somehow. I mean, isn't there a passage in the bible that states "If it moves and it shouldn't, use this righteous tool, the Holy Roll of Silver Might and Goodness. It shall be known unto you as Duct tape. And if it's supposed to move and currently doesn't, then my child, I give unto you the awesome power of WD-40. Use it well and abolish evil from thy putrid little planet." You mean that's not from the bible?....damn.....

Thirdly, no liquor. I mean, w/ all the sorority ho's and frat ass holes around you've got to make them suffer more...so no liquor stores in Hell. We'll just have to make sure our caskets are loaded with beer so we can bring it to the after life.

Now I'm not sure what's worse. Guys in hell, or no guys in hell. Maybe it's just that we can't hit on the guys or can't screw them. Maybe they'll all be major league ass holes....oh my god, if this is the case, then I must already be in Hell! It's a bit colder than I thought it would be.

Lastly, Hell would probably have a rule where I'd have to wear heels. Yuck. And ball gowns everyday. I can't handle it.

Maybe I should ammend my ways and get on the path of righteousness and goodness.....nah...that'll never happen.

That's why I believe in Re-incarnation. I may come back as a cow or a fly or a lizard in the next life, but it's better than having to deal with all those sorostitutes for the rest of my life...death....afterlife...whatever.